Illusions

Toilet
THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston

 

Now that you've seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view...

It's made entirely of one-way glass!

No one can see you from the outside, but when
you are inside it's like sitting in a clear
glass box!

Now would you... COULD YOU....???

PAINTED BATHROOM FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY ..

Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....


AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.....

You open the door...
NOW, REMEMBER THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR !

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY..... DOESN'T IT?

Scroll sloooooooowly.
.......

 

Would this mess up your mind???
Would you be able to walk into this bathroom???

THIS IS A CEILING MURAL
IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.

 

Please share with friends with a sense of humor

JAPANESE BRAIN TEST

 Subject: JAPANESE BRAIN TEST

 See if your brain is as old as your body ~ or ~ (perish
 the thought) ~ OLDER !!

                  Read the following instructions since the game is in
                 Japanese:

                 1. Click on 'start'
                 2. Wait for 3, 2, 1…….. then
                 3. Memorize the number's position on the screen, and then
                     click the circle from the SMALLEST number to the
BIGGEST number.
                 4. At the end of game, the computer will tell you the age
of your brain.

                 Good Luck !!

               http://flashfabrica.com/f_learning/brain/brain.html

Children's Science Exam

 Subject: Fwd: Fw: Children's Science Exam   

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science exam answers....

 Q: Name the four seasons.
 A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
> > >
 Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
 A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
> > >
 Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
> > >
 Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (Brilliant, love this!)
 A: Keep it in the cow.
> > >
 Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
 A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
> > >
 Q: What are steroids?
 A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
> > >
 Q: What happens to your body as you age?
 A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
> > >
 Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery. (This kid gets an A+ for this answer!)
> > >
 Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
 A: Premature death.
> > >
 Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (i.e. abdomen)
 A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
> > >
 Q: What is the fibula?
 A: A small lie.
> > >
 Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)
 A: Nearby.
> > >

Take me out to the ball game

3 elderly Ladies from
ARIZONA

 

A detective story


So
Pay Close
Attention!!!


....


Three elderly ladies are
excited about seeing


their
first baseball game.

....

They
smuggle a bottle
of

 

into
the ball park.


......





The
game is very
exciting 

 

and
they enjoy themselves
immensely...

 

mixing
Jack Daniel's with their soft
drinks.

........


Soon they
realize that the bottle is almost empty and the
game still has a lot of innings to go.


.......

Based on the given
information, what inning is it and how many
players are on base?








Now
think!










Think
some more!!





You're
gonna love this....




Answer:



It's
the bottom of the fifth, and the


bags
are loaded!

Biblical Humor

It doesn't hurt to have a little Biblical humor to start the day....

Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth?
A. Ru thless.

Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ?
A. German Shepherds.

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a Little prophet.

Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?
A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph w as heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

Q.. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible?
A. Samson. He brought the house down.

Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden ?
A. Your mother ate us out of house and home.


Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible?
A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once.


Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy?
A. The area around Jordan . The banks were always overflowing.

Q. Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible?
A. David He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.

Q. Which Bible character had no parents?
A. Joshua, son of Nun.

Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark ?
A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. ( Groan.)

PS... Did you know it's a sin for a woman to make coffee?
Yup, it's in the Bible. It says . ... 'He-brews'

Truckers Breakfast

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, 'I
 want
 three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards.'


 The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the
 kitchen and said to the cook, 'This guy out there just ordered three flat
 tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards...... What does he
 think this place is, an auto parts store?'


 'No,' the cook said. 'Three flat tires ... Mean three pancakes; a pair of
> headlights.. Is two eggs sunny side up;  and a pair of running boards...
 are
 2 slices of crisp bacon !

 'Oh,... OK!' said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then
 spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

 The trucker asked, 'What are the beans for Blondie?'



 I LOVE THIS ONE.......... .


 'She replied, 'I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires,
 headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!


 FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS EVEN!!!!!

They live among us

How would you pronounce this child's name?

She spells her name.....      "Le-a"

                        So... how would YOU pronounce her name?

Leah?  ..................NO.
Lee - A?  ........... NOPE.
Lay - a?  ............ NOT A CHANCE.
Lei?,,,,,,,,,, NICE TRY ...BUT... GUESS AGAIN!

This child attends a school in  Livingston  Parish, LA..   Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong.   She says it's pronounced.................   "Ledasha".
When the Mother was asked how in the world did she figured it should be pronounced that way.......      she said....

                       ..."cause the dash don't be silent!"

So, if you see a name come across your desk like this... please remember to pronounce the dash.

And... if anyone axe you why, tell them it's 'cause the dash don't be silent!

Someone... pleeeeze, pleeeze tell me dis don't be true! Surely, someone be's jokin' with us?!?!\

 

They live among us, they vote, they dominate the welfare rolls, they contribute nothing .  And they breed.

Once upon a time

Once upon a time
in a far away land

a beautiful independent,
self assured princess

happened upon a frog as she sat
contemplating ecological issues
on the shores of an unpolluted pond
in a verdant meadow near her castle.

The frog hopped into the princess' lap
and said: "Elegant Lady,
I was once a handsome prince,
until an evil witch cast a spell upon me."

One kiss from you however
and I will turn back
into the dapper, young prince that O am

and then, my sweet, we can marry

and set up housekeeping in your castle

with my mother,

where you can prepare my meals,

clean my clothes, bear my children,

and forever feel
grateful and happy doing so."

That night,

as the princess dined sumptuously

on lightly sauteed frog legs

seasoned in a white wine sauce,

she chuckled and thought to herself:

I don't FUCKIN' think so!!!!

A senior love story

 

 

 

'You don't stop laughing when you get old, you get old when you stop laughing.

A cowboy

                                               
 A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

 'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

 'On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman.

 I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen.
 So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him in his face ...

 Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground.

 I yelled, 'Now, back off!! Or I'll kick the sh*t out of all of you!'

 St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'

 'Just a couple of minutes ago...'

Peter Peppers

I have never seen a Pecker Pepper before...These are actual peppers from a garden. They are called 'Peter Peppers'... 

By the way, the farmer says they can grow up to 18" long!

Sort of brings tears to your eyes, doesn’t it?

Dog for free

Whether you own a dog or not, you must appreciate the efforts of this owner to sell her dog. Read the sales pitch below!!!

Dog  For   Free
to good home. Excellent guard dog. Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as
there are no more drug pushers, thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighbourhood for him to eat.
Most of them  knew him as
'Holy Shit.'

Who was our father

3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

 

1.  He called everyone brother.

2. He liked Gospel.

3. He didn't get a fair trial.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was  Jewish:

1. He went into His Father's business.

2. He lived at home until he was 33.

3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was  Italian:

 

1. He talked with His hands.

2. He had wine with His meals.

3. He used olive oil.

 

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:

1. He never cut His hair.

2. He walked around barefoot all the time.

3. He started a new religion.

  

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:

  

1. He was at peace with nature.

2. He ate a lot of fish.

3. He talked about the Great Spirit.

  

But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was  Irish:

1. He never got married.

2. He was always telling stories.

3. He loved green pastures.

  

But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a Woman:

 

1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was virtually no food.

2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do.

Can I get an AMEN??