Confuscious says

 If you can't find the book

you want

You're probably shopping

at the

 

Stud Rooster

STUD  ROOSTER

A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new 

stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'

The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle 
ALL of these chickens. 
Look what it has done to me 
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says, 
'Beat it: You are washed up 
And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says, 
'I tell you what, young stud. 
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

 

The young rooster laughs. 
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. 
So, just to be fair, 
I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.

They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

 
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!

The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch 
When he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking 
And running as hard as he can. 
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM - 
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit...
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this 
Story?...

Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - 
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery

Always overcome youth and arrogance!

OLD DUDES RULE !!!

Just an idiot needing company

6 Truths of Life

1. You cannot touch all your top teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth, will try it.

3. And discover that The first truth is a lie and feel superior because they can do it.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5.. You soon will forward this to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

I apologize about this.

I'm an idiot too and I needed company.....

Angels, By Kids

Angels,

By Kids

--Gregory, Age 5
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.

--Olive, Age 9
Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it.

--Matthew, Age 9
It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.

--Mitchell, Age 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else.

--Henry, Age 8
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science.

--Jack, Age 6
Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows.

--Daniel, Age 9
Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven.The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead.

--Reagan, Age 10
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado.

--Sara, 6
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.

--Jared, 8
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter.

--Antonio, 9
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it.

--Katelynn, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth.

--Vicki, 8
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it.

--Sarah, 7
What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them.

A smile a second

 

 

 

YOU HAVE A DIRTY MIND 
         Life is short but a smile takes barely a second. 
 
 

Going to the Post Office?

A little boy was waiting for his mother to come out of the grocery store. As he waited, he was approached by a man who asked, "Son, can you tell me where the Post Office is?"

The little boy replied, "Sure! Just go straight down this street a coupla blocks and turn to your right."

The man thanked the boy kindly and said, "I'm the new pastor in town.  I'd like for you to come to church on Sunday. I'll show you how to get to Heaven."

The little boy replied with a chuckle. "Awww, come on... you don't even know the way to the Post Office."

Viagra for granny?

 Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

 When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

 "$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.  "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

 Later the next morning, the son found $110.00 under the pillow. He phoned Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10.00, not $110.00.

  "I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"

A boy's first condom

A boy's first condom

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so. 

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy.
There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the
counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. 
I honestly answered, 'No, this is my first time.'

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and
slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make
sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still
looked confused. So she looked all around the store
to see if it was empty. It was empty.

'Just a minute,' she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room,
unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked
her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She
asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do
was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt,
removed her panties and lay down on a desk. 'Well,
come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.'

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that
unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and
KAPOW, I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you
put that condom on?' she asked.
I said, 'I sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.