Jesus

                 A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight

                 around, looking for valuables when a voice in the darkness warned,

               'Jesus is watching you.'

                 He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.

                 When he heard nothing more, after a while, he shook his head and    continued.

                 Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as  a bell he heard

                  Jesus is watching you.'

                  Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source   of the voice.

             Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a   parrot.

                  Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.

                  'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that   he is watching you.'

                  The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me !  Who in the world are you?'

                  'Moses,' replied the bird.

                  'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird   Moses?'

                  'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.

Robot Lie Detector

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

 "Where have you been, and why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John.

"Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy... The robot walked around the table, slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.

 "Son," said John, "this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you really were after school."

"We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie." said Tommy.

"What did you watch?" asked Marsha.

"The Ten Commandments." answered Tommy... The robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair again.

With his lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, "I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called 'Sex Queen'"

 "I am ashamed of you son," said John. "When I was your age, I never lied to my parents." The robot walked around to John and delivered a whack that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha doubled over in laughter, almost in tears and said, "Boy, did you ever ask for that one! You can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!"

The robot walked around to Marsha whacked her and knocked her out of her chair!

President O

Here is some of the change promised by President  O.

I don't care what political party you belong to but I ask can you imagine Barbara or Laura Bush ever appearing in public dressed this Way.

 

Ya'll wanted CHANGE....  Well here it is....

Virus

Virus alert
If your computer does this when copying a file...

You KNOW it's been infected with some bad shit!

Costume Party

Costume Party -- HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

 
A couple was invited to a swanky costume party.  The Mrs. got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone..
He being a devoted husband protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went. The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened without pain and, as it was still early, decided to go the party.
Since her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice woman he could, and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his   current partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new babe that had just arrived. She let him go as far as he wished ,naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally, he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed..  
So off they went to one of the cars and had a quickie.  
Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behavior.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, and she asked what kind of a time he had.  He said: "Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you're not there."
- "Did you dance much ?"
- "I'll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening. But you're not going to believe what happened to the guy I loaned my costume to...."