Mental health issues? Call;

Please select from the following options: 

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly. 

If you are codependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.

 If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

 If you are paranoid, we already know who you are and what you need, stay on the line so we can trace your call.







If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the mother ship.  

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. 

 If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, nothing will make you happy anyway.

 If you are dyslexic, press 969696969696969. 

 If you are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep, or before the beep, or after the beep, please wait for the beep.

 If you suffer from short term memory, press 9.
 If you suffer from short term memory, press 9. 
 If you suffer from short term memory, press 9.

 If you have low self esteem, please hang up now. Our operators are way too busy to fool with you. 

 If you are menopausal, put the gun down, turn on the fan, lie down and have a good cry. You won't be crazy forever.    

If you are blonde, don't press any buttons- you'll just mess things up. 

 This week is National Mental Health Care Week. You can do your part by remembering to contact at least 1 unstable person, just to show you care. 

 Well, my job is done!