HOLIDAY ADVICE

This is a word to the wise for all my readers here on a daily laugh.

I would like to share an experience with you, it has to do with drinking and driving.

Last night I was out for dinner with a few friends, while preparing to watch the lunar eclipse this morning. After consuming too many cocktails, and knowing full well that I was wasted, I did something I've never done before.

Believe it or not, I took a bus home. Yes, a bus. I arrived home safely and without incident.

What was REALLY surprising to me is that I have never driven a bus before.

Got Beer

Got beer????     A landlord's nightmare!!       SINGLE GUY LIVED IN THIS TOWNHOUSE FOR 8 YEARS IN OGDEN UTAH .  THE LANDLORD THOUGHT HE WAS THE BEST RENTER BECAUSE HE NEVER CALLED OR COMPLAINED AND WAS NEVER LATE ON A PAYMENT.

Drinking as great as Yoga

Research confirms that drinking gives you the same benefits yoga does !!!

Savasana Position of total relaxation.

Balasana Position that brings the sensation of peace and calm.

Setu Bandha Sarvangasana This position calms the brain and heals tired legs.

Marjayasana Position stimulates the midriff area and the spinal column.

His and her diarys

HER DIARY...

Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I had been shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. 

Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.

He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.

On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. 

When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T.V. He seemed distant and absent. 

Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed, and to my surprise he responded to my caresses and we made love. But I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. 

He fell asleep; 

I cried.

I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

HIS DIARY... Today the Steelers lost, but at least I got laid.

Liquor

If you were around in 1919 and came upon the following  poster...

I mean seriously, wouldn't you want to just keep on drinking? 
 

Unexpected endings

These are sentences  in which the  latter part of the sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way  that causes the reader or listener to re-frame or reinterpret the first  part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes  producing an anticlimax.
  

I asked God for a bike, but I know God  doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience. 

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather; not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Bumper stickers

1.For get world peace. Visualize using your turn signal. 

2.I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 

3.WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

4.Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

5.IRS We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

6.Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.

Alcohol does not discriminate