Why Men Wear Earrings

  Why Men Wear Earrings

      Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? 

     A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an

earring. 

  

     The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

                                 

     The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

     "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

      His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, 

     "So, how long have you been wearing one?" 

     "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."                  

 

I always wondered how this trend got started.

Old Love

 Old Love . . .

 A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite.

He throws the kite up
 in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing  back down to earth.

He tries this a few more times with no success, all the while, his wife is
 watching from the kitchen window.

Muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything, she  opens the window and yells to her husband,
"You need a piece of tail."The man turns with a confused look on his face and says,

"Make up your  mind, last night you told me to go fly a kite!!!"

Thanks E.W.

And then the fight started.... Again & Again

 My wife and I were sitting at a table at my
high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken
lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'         'Yes,' I sighed,
'She's my old girlfriend.   I understand she took to drinking right
after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
hasn't been sober since.'  'My Goodness!' says my wife,
'who would think a person could go on celebrating that
long?'
      And then the fight started....
   
      ******************************************
   
      I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter,
for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium
rare, please." He said, "Aren't you
worried about         the mad cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself."
      And then the fight started...
   
      ******************************************
   
 
   A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom
mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says
to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old,
fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a
compliment....' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect.'
      And then the fight started......

And then the fight started..... Again

  I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there
we were alongside the road and slowly the other
driver got out of his car. You know how sometimes you just get
soooo stressed and little things just seem funny? Yeah,
well I couldn't believe it.... He was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me,
and shouted,
      "I AM NOT HAPPY!!!"
So, I looked down at him and said,   "Well, then which
one are you?" And then the fight started.....
   
      *****************************************
   
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a
scale. And then the fight started...
   
      ******************************************
   
When I got home last night, my wife demanded
that I take  her someplace, expensive...so, I took her to
a gas station.  And then the fight started...
   
      ******************************************
   
After retiring, I went to the Social   Security office to
apply for Social Security. The woman behind
the counter asked me for my driver's license to
verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left
my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very
sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I
opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She
said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough
for me' and she processed my Social Security application

      When I got home, I excitedly told my wife
about my experience at the Social Security office.
She said, 'You should have dropped your
pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'
      And then the fight started...
    

And then the fight started

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
      channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust.'
      And then the fight started...
   
      ******************************************
   
      My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A
      Millionaire" while we were in bed. I turned to her and
      said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I asked,
    " Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
      this time, simply saying, "Yes."
      So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
     And then the fight started....
   
      ******************************************

   
      Saturday morning I got up early, quietly
dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly
into the garage.  I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and
proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was
blowing 50 mph,
so I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all
day.  I went back into the house, quietly
undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's
back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered,
"The weather out there is terrible.."    My loving wife of 10 years replied,
"Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in
that?"
And that's how the fight started...
   

My Favorite T-Shirt

 My Favorite T-Shirt

 

My wife was always after me to go shopping with her.

Then I began wearing my favorite shirt.....

She doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore.   

6 Affairs

The  1st Affair
A married man was having an affair

with his secretary.
One day they went to her place

and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep

and woke up at 8  PM.
The man hurriedly dressed

and told his lover to take his shoes
outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.
'I can't lie to you,' he replied,
'I'm having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.'
She looked down at his shoes and said:
'You lying bastard!
You've been playing golf!'




The 2nd Affair
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful



daughters  

but always talked about having a son. 

They decided to try one last time
for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant
and  delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery
to  see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child

he had ever seen.
He told his wife:  'There's no way I can

be the father of this baby. 

Look  at the  two beautiful daughters I  fathered!
Have  you  been fooling around behind my back?'
The  wife smiled sweetly and replied:
'Not this time!'

     

The 3rd Affair
A mortician was working late one night.
He examined the body of Mr. Jones,
about  to be cremated,

and made a startling discovery.

Jones  had the largest private part

he had ever seen!
'I'm sorry Mr. Jones,' the mortician
commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'
So, he removed it,
stuffed it into his briefcase,

and took it home.   

'I  have something to show you,

you won't believe,' he said to his wife,
opening his briefcase.
'My  God!' the wife exclaimed, 

'Mr. Jones is dead!'
                   


The  4th Affair
A  woman was in bed with her lover
when  she heard her husband

opening  the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'      

She  rubbed baby oil all over him,

then  dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't  move until I tell you,'
she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'
'What's  this?' the husband inquired 

as he entered the room.
'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,
'the Smiths bought one and I liked it
so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said,
not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM the husband got up,
went to the kitchen and returned

with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.
I stood like that for two days at the Smiths
and nobody offered me a damned thing.'



The  5th Affair
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'
'One  Cent?' the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked:
'How much for a nice juicy steak 

and a bottle of wine?'
'A  nickel,' the barman  replied.
'A  nickel?' exclaimed the man.
'Where's the guy who owns this place?'
The  bartender replied:
'Upstairs, with my wife.'
The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs
with your wife?'
The  bartender replied:

'The  same thing I'm doing

to his business down here.'



The  6th Affair
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:   

'I have something I must confess.'
'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.
'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.
I slept with your sister, your best

friend,   

her best friend, and your mother!'
'I know,' she replied,
'now just rest and let the poison work.'


 

Divorce and reality

The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was somewhat upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love so at least I can tell you what happened.' 'Fine, go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight.
;
I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued - 'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, 'Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?