Toilet paper dispensers

This was the hottest thing 2010 brought to Vancouver's bars / restaurants!

NICKNAMES

NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will
affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Dickhead and DoDo for
Brains.

EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John
will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of
them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want
change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the
pocket calculators.

MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she
doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom:
toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a
towel.
· The average number of items in the typical
woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more
than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she
gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he
gets a wife.

SUCCESS
· A successful man is one who makes more money
than his wife can spend.
· A successful woman is one who can find such a
man.

MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she
won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water
the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the
mail.
· A man will dress up for weddings and
funerals.

NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to
bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her
children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best
friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people
living in the house.


THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two
people remembering the same thing!




Keep on Dancing

 

20 years of e-mails

I wanted to personally thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past 20 years.
I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a
paper towel, or have the waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without
worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because
I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the
adult movie channels.

I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because
I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed..

I have trouble shaking hands with
someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving
alone is picking one’s nose.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I have
consumed over the years.

I can’t touch any woman’s purse for
fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about
rat shit in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge
with every envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the
same reason.

I no longer have any savings because
I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die for the
1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive
the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me
for participating in their special e-mail program.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels
looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my
every wish.

I can’t have a drink in a bar because I’ll wake up in a bathtub
full of ice with my kidneys removed.

I can’t eat at KFCbecause their chickens are
actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes, feet or feathers.

I can’t use cancer-causing deodorants even
though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered
if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.

BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink
Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer buy gas without
taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer doesn’t crawl in
my back seat when I’m filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since
the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under
God’ on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in
the microwave because it causes seven different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in
the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face.. Disfiguring me
for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle infected
with AIDS when I sit down

I no longer go to shopping malls because
someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda agents
in disguise. And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan

I no longer buy cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have
their recipe.

THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big
black snake could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when
it bites my ass.

I no longer drive my car because
buying gas from some companies supports Al Qaeda, and buying gas from all
the others supports South American dictators.

I can’t do any gardening because I’m
afraid I’ll get bitten by the wood spider and my hand will fall off.

If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 10
minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m.
tomorrow afternoon, and the fleas from 120 camels will infest your back,
causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it
actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s
second husband’s cousin’s best friend’s beautician . . .

Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.

Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.

PS: I now keep my toothbrush
in the living room, because I was told by e-mail that water splashes over 6
ft. out of the toilet.

I trust you are now caught up.

Illusions

Toilet
THE LADY IS GETTING READY TO ENTER!!
This is a picture of a public toilet in Houston

 

Now that you've seen the outside view,
take a look at the inside view...

It's made entirely of one-way glass!

No one can see you from the outside, but when
you are inside it's like sitting in a clear
glass box!

Now would you... COULD YOU....???

PAINTED BATHROOM FLOOR!!!

IMAGINE YOU ARE AT A PARTY ..

Tenth floor of a hi-rise building.....


AND THEN YOU HAVE TO VISIT THE BATHROOM.....

You open the door...
NOW, REMEMBER THE FLOOR IS JUST A PAINTED FLOOR !

KINDA TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY..... DOESN'T IT?

Scroll sloooooooowly.
.......

 

Would this mess up your mind???
Would you be able to walk into this bathroom???

THIS IS A CEILING MURAL
IN A SMOKER'S LOUNGE.

 

Please share with friends with a sense of humor