Santa Threatened?

No Wal-Mart greeter here

T

wo hours into my first day of work as a WalMart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids.

 Hearing her swear at them, I said, "Good morning, welcome to WalMart. Nice kids, are they twins?"

 The mom answered, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind or stupid?"

 I replied, "I'm not blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at WalMart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Tech Humor

Toilet truck humor

Another thanks sent out to John for sending me this one!

Love it when someone unknown to me sends me particular things to post because they can tell how much I like a certain type/kind of post. This is what has happened with some one who sends me these posts on these eggs he/she finds. I just love this egg art and enjoy receiving any and all of these eggs with personalities 

More auto-correct

rom one of my very favorite websites Damn you auto correct 
Enjoy

DOG FOR SALE

A man is driving around the back woods of Montana, and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house:

'Talking Dog For Sale '

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard.

The man goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

'You talk?' he asks.
'Yep,' the Lab replies.

After the man recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says

'So, what's your story?'

The Lab looks up and says,

'Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young..
I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA.
In no time at all they had me jetting from
country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping.'

'I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running...
But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security,wandering near suspicious characters and
listening in. I uncovered some incredible
dealings and was awarded a batch of medals.'
'I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired.'

The man is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
'Ten dollars,' the man says.

'Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?'

'Because he's a liar. He's never been out of the yard'

Moral of the story?

ery rarely do I actually find myself laughing out loud or LOL for that matter. This little photo changed all that!
Thanks to friends and family for this one.

Comedy group video

Too much time on their hands

Biblical Humor

It doesn't hurt to have a little Biblical humor to start the day.... Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he married Ruth? A. Ruth less. Q. What do they call pastors in Germany ? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

Thanksgiving with Maxine

To my readers of A Daily Laugh, I just would like to take this opportunity (being Thanksgiving and all) to thank each and every one of you for taking the time to stop by my blog, or subscribing to it or getting "A Daily Laugh" delivered to your in-box.

I really appreciate those of you that send me these e-mails that make me putting this blog together possible. And last but not least, thank you for your comments.

I soooo look forward to reading your  comments!  When you leave me a comment, it REALLY makes my day!

Some of you have been with me and this blog since the beginning. It's hard to believe that "A Daily Laugh" is over 3 years old.

I would not be able to have this blog nor would I have "met" sooo many of you on here if it were not for YOU!!!

In this very early morning hour of Thanksgiving day I want you to know how thankful I am to have all of YOU.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

3 Ducks went into a bar

'Say, what's your name?' the bartender asked the first duck.

'Huey,' was the reply.

'How's your day been, Huey?'

'Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?' said Huey.

Naked Cowboy

A Sheriff in a small town in Texas walks out in the street and sees a blond haired cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff ...

Why Men Wear Earrings

  Why Men Wear Earrings

      Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men? 

     A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an

earring. 

  

     The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

                                 

     The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

     "Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

      His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, 

     "So, how long have you been wearing one?" 

     "Ever since my wife found it in my truck."                  

 

I always wondered how this trend got started.

Bless me Father

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?

'I cannot say.'

SMART ASS ANSWER

SMART ASS ANSWER #6
 
It was mealtime during an airline flight. 
'Would you like dinner?', the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.. 
'What are my choices?' John asked. 
'Yes or no,' she replied.

SMART ASS ANSWER #5
 
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. 
Without missing a beat, she said, 'Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub.'

Missing lipstick

No, I have not seen your lipstick, why would you even ask me that?
I'm insulted!
Every time something goes missing around here, everybody looks at me!
For your information, I don't even wear that shade.
It doesn't flatter my complexion and it tastes terrible.

A hundred dollars

A Little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened .   Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When   The postal authorities received the letter to God , USA , they decided to send it to the President.   The president was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $ 5.00 bill.   The president thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read:   Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington  D.C. and those assholes took $95.00 in taxes

We have to stop cutting down trees.

We have to stop cutting down trees.  This is getting serious.