HELL EXPLAINED

  HELL EXPLAINED

BY A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

 

The following is an actual question given on a  University  of Arizona  chemistry mid term, and an actual answer turned in by a student. 

 

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :   

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?  

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. 

 

 One student, however, wrote the following:  

 First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. 

   Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:  

   1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.  

  2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. 

So which is it?  

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct..... ....leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.' 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

Eternal Marriage

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"

HEAVEN AND HELL

While walking down the street one day a Corrupt Senator was tragically hit by a car and died.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the Senator..

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.*
*They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes.

They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell..

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders.

"I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"
The devil smiles at him and says,

"Yesterday we were campaigning,
Today, you voted."

Vote wisely on November 2, 2010*

Hell explained

HELL
EXPLAINED

 

BY
A CHEMISTRY STUDENT

 

 

 

The
following is an actual question given on a  University
 of Arizona  chemistry mid term, and an actual
answer turned in by a
student.  

 

 

 

  

 

The
answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well
:  

 

 

 

Bonus
Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic
(absorbs heat)?  

 

  

 

Most
of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is
compressed) or some
variant.  

 

  

 

 One
student, however, wrote the
following:  

 

 First,
we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time..
So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into
Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is
unlikely.. I think that we can safely assume that once a
soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls
are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's
look at the different religions that exist in the world
today.  

 

  Most
of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more
than one of these religions and since people do not belong
to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go
to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can
expect the number of souls in Hell to increase
exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the
volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for
the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the
volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are
added.

 

  

 

This
gives two possibilities:  

 

  1.
If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which
souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell
will increase until all Hell breaks
loose.  

 

  2.
If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop
until Hell freezes over.  

 

So
which is it?  

 

If
we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus
I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen
over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has
frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more
souls and is therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven,
thereby proving the existence of a divine being which
explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my
God.' 

 

 THIS
STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.