Condoms?

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year when we decided to get married. My girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me. That one thing was her younger sister. 

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight miniskirts, and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me, and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. 

Two brooms

Below is just a good ol' fashioned clean joke that I thought was quite cute/funny. Would love to know what you think?

2 brooms are living in the same broom closet. They get to know one another, fall in love and decide to get married. 

After the wedding, the bride-broom turns to the groom-broom and says, "I think I'm going to have a little whisk broom!" 

And the groom-broom says....

drum roll.....

"That's impossible! We haven't swept together yet!"




 

All My Business

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband
and asked for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.  In his
highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love, for more than
30 years, with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford
new clothes and other incidentals that she needed.

Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her
husband in a very drunken state.

During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was
going through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let
go.  It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find
another position that paid anywhere near what he'd been earning,
and therefore, they were financially ruined.

Calmly, his wife handed him a bank book which showed more than
thirty years of steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1
million.  Then she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the
bank which were worth over $2 million, and informed him that they
were one of the largest depositors in the bank.

She explained that for the more than three decades she had 'charged'
him for sex, these holdings had multiplied and these were the results
of her savings and investments.

Faced with evidence of cash and investments worth over $3 million,
her husband was so astounded he could barely speak, but finally he
found his voice and blurted out, "If I'd had any idea what you were
doing, I would have given you all my business!"

That's when she shot him.

You know, sometimes, men just don't know when to keep their mouths
shut!