Husbands for sale

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: 

 You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! 

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
 The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

 So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. 

On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: 

 Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. 'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. 

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. 'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. 

 She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. 

 'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: 

 Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: 

 Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

 There are no men on this floor.

 This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. 

My Favorite T-Shirt

 My Favorite T-Shirt

 

My wife was always after me to go shopping with her.

Then I began wearing my favorite shirt.....

She doesn't want me to go shopping with her anymore.   

Mexican Lions

The owner of this shop in Mexico was tired of thugs breaking into his shop so he came up with this idea…lol!

 

 

 

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

 

AMAZING SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40.
IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:

SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.

Another Penis out the window

A man and a woman were driving down the road,
 arguing about his infidelity when suddenly the woman reached
 over and cut the man's penis off and tossed it out the
 window.



 Driving behind the couple was a man and his
 8-year-old daughter. The girl was chatting away to her
 father when all of a sudden the penis splattered into their
 car windshield, stuck for a moment, then disappeared over
 the roof.



 Surprised, the daughter asked her father,
 'Daddy, what was that?' < br> > >


Shocked, but not wanting to expose his little girl
 to anything sexual at such a young age, the father replied,
 'It.... it was only a bug, Honey.'



The daughter sat with a confused look on her face,
 and after a moment said.................



 'Had a big dick, didn't it?'

A Fart

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After
a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.


As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and
that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.

The Dot, Revealed

The Mystery of the Dot

Funny, short and oh so true!

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS EXPLAINED THE MYSTERY!!!

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us
have naively thought this was connected with marriage or religion, but the
Indian Embassy in Washington , DC has recently revealed the true story. When
a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her
wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a
convenience store, a gas station, a liquor store or a motel in the United
States .

If there is nothing under the dot, he must take a job in India answering
telephones and giving unintelligible technical advice to frustrated
Americans.

Wedding Cake

 A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.  'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful.  Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining.  Chinese food is loaded with MSG.  High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.  However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'  After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Grocery List

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