No breakfast until your chores are done!

A little boy comes down to breakfast.  Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if he had done his chores. " Not yet, "  said the little boy. Well,  he's a little teed off, so he goes to feed the chickens,  and he kicks a chicken. He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow.   He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.  He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl  of dry cereal. " How come I don't get any eggs and bacon ?  Why don't I have any milk in my cereal ? "  he asks. " Well, "  his mother says, " I saw you kick a chicken, so you don't get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don't get any bacon for a week either.  I saw you kick the cow so for a week you aren't getting any milk. " Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the  pussy cat halfway across the kitchen. The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile, and says, " You gonna tell him or should I ? "

Blood transfusions

Blood transfusions       American Medical Association researchers have found that Patients needing blood transfusions may benefit from receiving chicken blood rather than human blood. It tends to make the men cocky and the women lay better. Just thought you'd like to know...

Life becomes more practical for old guys

  Life becomes more practical for old guys

 A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :
 COLD BEER: $2.00
 HAMBURGER: $2.25
 CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
 CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
 HAND JOB: $50.00
 Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer..
 "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
 The old golfer leans over the bar, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "Are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "
 She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs:
 "Yes Sir , I sure am "
 The old golfer leans closer and whispers softly into her left ear, "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger."

LOSING A FRIEND:

LOSING A FRIEND:

THIS IS A VERY TOUCHING STORY ABOUT LIFE & DEATH,

AND THE FRIENDS THAT WE HAVE.

IT'S CERTAIN TO STIR UP YOUR HEART, TOUCH YOUR SOUL.

THIS EMAIL IS ONE I COULD NOT AFFORD NOT TO SHARE WITH MY FRIENDS.

I'M STILL CHOKED UP OVER IT!

Kenney the Rooster

Kenny the rooster cost a lot of money, but the farmer
decides he'd be worth it. So, he buys Kenny.

The farmer takes Kenny home and sets him down in the
barnyard, first, giving the rooster a pep talk.

"I want you to pace yourself now. You've got a lot of
chickens to service here, and you cost me a lot of money.
Consequently, I'll need you to do a good job. So, take
your time and have some fun," the farmer said, with
a chuckle.

Kenny seemed to understand, so the farmer pointed toward
the Hen house and Kenny took off like a shot. WHAM!-
Kenny nails every hen in the hen house- three or four
times, and the farmer is really shocked.

After that the farmer hears a commotion in the duck
pen, sure enough, Kenny is in there.

Later, the farmer sees Kenny after a flock of geese,
down by the lake. Once again - WHAM! He gets all the
geese.

By sunset he sees Kenny out in the fields chasing quail
and pheasants. The farmer is distraught and worried
that his expensive rooster won't even last 24 hours.
Sure enough, the farmer goes to bed and wakes up the
next day,to find Kenny on his back, stone cold in the
middle of the yard, vultures are circling overhead.

The farmer, saddened by the loss of such a colourful
and expensive animal, shakes his head and says, "Oh,
Kenny, I told you to pace yourself. I tried to get you
to slow down, now look what you've done to yourself."

Kenny opens one eye, nods toward the vultures circling
in the sky and says, "Shhh, they're getting closer".