Ramblings of a Retired Mind

Ramblings  of a Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener. I also made a cover for my hearing aidand now I have what they call blue teeth, I think.

You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and  decided that old age is 'when you still have  something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'

I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.

I've gotten that dreaded  furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for  company!'

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an  emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!

I was  thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a  whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.

As for me,  I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
                                                                             
Enjoy Your D ays & Love Your Life, Because Life is a journey to be  savored.

Retirment, What to do for fun?

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting.  Well, for example, the other day the wife and I went into town and went into a shop.  We were only in there for about five minutes.  When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "Come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?"  He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.  I called him a Dumb Ass.  He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires.

So Mary called him a Shit Head.  He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.  Then he started writing a third ticket.  This went on for about twenty minutes.  The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then, our bus arrived.  We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.  It's important at our age.

Retirement

Question:  How many days in a week?
Answer:  6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday

Question:  When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer:  Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question:  How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer:  Only one, but it might take all day.

Question:  What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer:  There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question:  Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer:  The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question:  Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer:  Tied shoes.

Question:  Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer:  They are the only ones who have the time.  
 
Question:  What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer:  NUTS!

Question:  Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer:  They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question:  What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer:  Normal.

Question:  What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer:  The never ending Coffee Break.

Question:  What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer:  If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question:  Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer:  He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

And, my very favorite....

QUESTION:  What do you do all week?
Answer:  Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.