A horseback ride

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down. An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

 She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-ha-a-a-a!" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills. 

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e ha-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service station attendant. 

"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered. "Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Blonde Stewardess

Blonde Stewardess

A lawyer boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a blonde stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator.  He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded
to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in New York, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the lawyer who gave me the crabs in New Orleans Please raise your hand?"   Not one hand went up . . . so she took them home and ate them.

Two lessons here:

1. Lawyers aren't as smart as they think they are.
2. Blondes aren't as dumb as most folk think.

To jump or not too.

A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her "You have so much to live for," said the man. "Look, I'm a sailor, and we're off to Europe tomorrow, and I can stow you away on my ship. "I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy."

With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted.

That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn.

Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection.

"What are you doing here?" asked the captain.

"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings food and I get a free trip to Europe."

"I see," the captain says.

"Plus," she adds, "He's screwing me."

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."

Hotel Bills too high? Consider this

Next time you think your hotel bill is too high you might want to consider
This…
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Brisbane to Melbourne.
After almost ten hours on the road, they're too tired to continue
And they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a
Room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the
Road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk; hands them a bill for
$450.00.
The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the
Clerk although it's a nice hotel; the rooms certainly aren't worth $450.00.
When the clerk tells him $450.00 is the standard rate, the man insists o n
Speaking to the Manager.
The Manager appears, listens to the man, and then explains that the hotel
Has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available
For the husband and wife to use.
'But we didn't use them,' the man complains.
'Well, they are here, and you could have,' explains the Manager. He goes on
To explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
Famous. 'The best entertainers from New York , Hollywood , and Las Vegas
Perform here,' the Manager says.
'But we didn't go to any of those shows, 'complains the man again.
'Well, we have them, and you could have,' the Manager replies.
No matter what amenity the Manager mentions! , the man replies, 'But we
Didn't use it!'
The Manager is unmoved, and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay.
He writes a check and gives it to the Manager.
The Manager is surprised when he looks at the cheque.
'But sir,' he says, this cheque is only made out for $50.00.'
'That's correct,' says the man. 'I charged you $400.00 for sleeping with my
Wife.'
'But I didn't!' exclaims the Manager.
Well, too bad,' the man replies. 'She was here and you could have.

Surgeons on patients

Five surgeons from big cities are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon, from New York, says, 'I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.'

The second, from Chicago, responds, 'Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color coded.'

The third surgeon, from Dallas, says, 'No, I really think librarians are the best, everything inside them is in alphabetical order.'

The fourth surgeon, from Los Angeles chimes in: 'You know, I like construction workers. .. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over.'

But the fifth surgeon, from Washington, DC shut them all up when he observed: Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no balls, no brains and no spine, and the head and the ass are interchangeable.