Did I read that sign right

TOILET OUT OF ORDER.  PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In a Memphis department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

Man In The Beans

Subject: Man In The Beans

Here's a little brain teaser. It's a timed test.

THE TRICK: FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS:
This is bizarre - after you find the guy - it's so obvious.
Once you find him - it's embarrassing, and you think,
' Why didn't I see him immediately? '

Cowboy at Starbucks

An old cowboy sat down at the Starbucks and ordered a cup of coffee.

As he sat sipping his coffee, a young woman sat down next to him.

She turned to the cowboy and asked, ‘Are you a real cowboy?’

He replied, ‘Well, I’ve spent my whole life breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.’

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1.. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars..... See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice! 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks . Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to 
        Espresso.5. In the Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Marijuana.6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.7. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 8. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'.
9. Sing Along At The Opera. 10. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You have a headache. 11. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 12. When Leaving the Zoo, Start Running towards the Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 13. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 
And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity 
14. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM
             IS.  

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said:  'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right.  But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'

Hot for you

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together'

'I know,' the old man said.  'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
 
'Well,' Granny snickered.  'Let's relive some old times.'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.

'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.   'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal