Symbols Found In A Cave

Symbols Found In A Cave     Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols: It was considered a unique find and the writings were said to be at least 3000 years old! The piece of stone was removed, brought to the museum, and archaeologists from around the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The President of the society pointed to first drawing and said: This is a woman. We can see these people held women in high esteem.  You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol is a donkey, so they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing is a shovel, which means they had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine hit the earth and food didn't grow, they seek food from the sea. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews. The audience applauded enthusiastically. Then a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room and said,

"Idiots...Hebrew is read from right to left... It says: Holy Mackerel, Dig The Ass On That Chick!"

   

 

Mid life crisis

 

I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women.  Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be....Puhle eeeeeeze!  I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you.  Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60, 70 (or maybe even just pushing your luck), you'll probably relate.

 

Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down..  

This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.

In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans.

 We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.

 

Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.

Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.

 

Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, 'Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too'

 

 Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones.

Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cellphone-wearing teenager and think: 'For this I have stretch marks?

  

In mid-life your memory starts to go.  In fact the only thing we can retain is water.


Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin

Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the 'big' questions.

What is life?

Why am I here?

How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?

But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.  We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile.  Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when?  Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!

 

Why do women have two hands?

 

  

  

  

Any More Questions!!

IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD

  IF WOMEN CONTROLLED THE WORLD

Women are like phones

 

Women are like phones: 

  They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.

But push the wrong button and your  disconnected.

Proof that Men Have Better Friends...

Friendship among Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a
friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.

Friendship among Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's
house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.Eight confirmed that he had slept over, and
two said he was still there.

Beer contains female hormones

Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption.

The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women.  To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects:


1) Argued over nothing.

2) Refused to apologize when obviously wrong.

3) Gained weight.

4) Talked excessively without making sense.

5) Became overly emotional.

6) Couldn't drive.

7) Failed to think rationally.

8) Had to sit down while urinating.


No further testing was considered necessary.