Thank you letter to Tide

Dear Tide
I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of
my married life, as my mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in
my fifties I find it even better!
In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse.
My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how
clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing
led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse!

I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and
satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so
well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my
blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no
longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a
murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.
Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.