The Milkman

A  blonde heard that baths in milk would make her  beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to  leave 25 gallons of milk.  
When  the milkman read the note, he felt there must be  a mistake.  He thought she probably meant  2.5 gallons. 
So he knocked on the door to  clarify the point. The blonde came to the door  and the milkman said, "I found your note asking  me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5  gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25  gallons.  I'm going to fill my bathtub up  with milk and take a milk bath so I can look  young and beautiful again."
The milkman  asked, "Do you want it  pasteurized?"
The  blonde said, "No, just up to my boobs. I can  splash it on my eyes."

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected:

A half-gallon of 2% milk,
A carton of eggs,
A quart of orange juice,
A head of romaine lettuce,
A 2 lb. can of coffee, and
A 1 lb. package of bacon.

As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier.

While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated, 'You must be single.'

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of me, I said:  'Well, you know what, you're absolutely right.  But how on earth did you know that?'

The drunk replied, 'Cause you're ugly.'