No Wal-Mart greeter here

T

wo hours into my first day of work as a WalMart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids.

 Hearing her swear at them, I said, "Good morning, welcome to WalMart. Nice kids, are they twins?"

 The mom answered, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind or stupid?"

 I replied, "I'm not blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at WalMart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

In Honor of Stupid People

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In Honor of Stupid People
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...some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

1.On a Sears hairdryer -- Do not use while sleeping.

2.On a bag of Fritos -- You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

3.On a bar of Dial soap -- "Directions: Use like regular soap,"

4.On some Swanson frozen dinners -- "Serving suggestion: Defrost."

5.On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) -- "Do not turn upside down."

6.On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -- "Product will be hot after heating."

7.On packaging for a Rowena iron -- "Do not iron clothes on body."

8.On Boot's Children Cough Medicine -- "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

9.On Nytol Sleep Aid -- "Warning: May cause drowsiness."

10.On most brands of Christmas lights -- "For indoor or outdoor use only."

11.On a Japanese food processor -- "Not to be used for the other use."

12.On Sainsbury's peanuts -- "Warning: contains nuts."

13.On an American Airlines packet of nuts -- "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

14.On a child's Superman costume -- "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

15.On a Swedish chainsaw -- "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals