No Wal-Mart greeter here

T

wo hours into my first day of work as a WalMart greeter, an ugly woman came in with her two kids.

 Hearing her swear at them, I said, "Good morning, welcome to WalMart. Nice kids, are they twins?"

 The mom answered, "Hell no, they ain't twins. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why would you think they're twins? Are you blind or stupid?"

 I replied, "I'm not blind or stupid. I just couldn't believe someone slept with you twice. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at WalMart."

My supervisor said I probably wasn't cut out for this line of work.

Wal-Mart Applicant revealed

They walk amongst us

 ONE

 
Recently, when I went to  McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an  order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken Mc Nuggets.  

I asked  for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half  dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the  counter.
 "You don't?"  I  replied.
 "We only have six, nine, or  twelve,"  was the reply.  

"So I can't order a  half dozen nuggets, but I can order  six?" 
"That's right." 
 So  I shook my head and ordered six  McNuggets. 
 (Unbelievable but sadly  true...)

Stimulus Check

"This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This
is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. Only a smidgen.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a
high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."


Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by
spending your stimulus check wisely:

If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.

If you spend it on gasoline it will go to the Arabs.

If you purchase a computer it will go to India.

If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico,
Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy organic).

If you buy a car it will go to Japan.

If you purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan.

And none of it will help the American economy.

We need to keep that money here in America. You can keep the money
in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or
spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since
those are the only businesses still in the US .